Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
