the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
