she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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