Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
