do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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