when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
