I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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