I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
