I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
