I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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