I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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