whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
