I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i believe in u and ur pee
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
