Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
