Screwed.edu
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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