is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize