i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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