Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
