Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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