Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
