2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
false alarm. still invincible.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
