Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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