You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
