I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
