The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
