he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It's blow job season.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
