Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she smelled like a LAN party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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