cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I love having hate sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
