How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
