ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
