I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize