You're completely useless in the revolution.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
