I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
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