and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
