so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
