and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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