i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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