I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
