just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
