every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
