I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
