the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
