I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
