My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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