i think my tv is drunk
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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