The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My life is pants optional.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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