...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize