I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
