bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
