She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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