i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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