how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
