the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
