Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
