your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
