After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I will be naked everywhere
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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