ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
