So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
