remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
