I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
