my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
there was a trapeze. enough said
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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