Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
