My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
