I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
they call him Oral-B. enough said
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
