i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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