Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize