Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
