I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My ATM looks so different sober.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
