Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
