That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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