So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
