i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
